Family VS Future

I may not be able to articulate my feelings well. I have been anguished over the problems and issues surrounding adoption, and as blessed as I am to have my son forever mine, I worry and wonder over the MANY thousands of children that do not have a family.

Re wording that, they HAVE a family, but for many reasons they are not being cared for BY this family. (I learned from My Turn on Earth, everyone has a mother and a father....but they are not always part of that child's life forever)

So how do we solve this problem?
Adoption and the industry has created HUGE problems, and the victims are the families.

The general though process is, that their children are better off being adopted into American (or European) families where they have educational opportunities as well as basic health and sanitation needs met.

So why is this a solution? Why do we as a NATION not find a better solution to the astronomical problem?

legitimately there are MILLIONS of children without parents (orphans) Children who have never met a blood relative and have no hope of finding any relatives.
THESE kids, SHOULD be available for adoptions.(possibly)

HOWEVER there are many many cases of mothers & fathers (who are not married but are in a committed relationship) that WILLINGLY give up their children. (possibly with the hope that the child will return to care for them when they are grown?) Siblings that are separated because one was 'lucky' enough to be adopted, How can we reconcile with our selves the broken homes, and the money exchange for these lives.... And yet, how can we NOT.

I have held a starving child. I have met the starving mother, and I have seen the resources they have to work with. They see us Westerners and see a "golden ticket" we swoop in with our plump cheeks, and resources to 'rescue' these families, what our family spends each year on ENTERTAINMENT they could only DREAM of for an annual budget for food.
>
What we spend on vacations could save a family unit.

What we spend on date night, can feed a family for a month.

What we see as 'needs' (new shoes, the latest styles in clothing, books, electronics, cable TV, cell phones) could provide for a VILLAGE the basic life saving supplies.

I realize I am rambling, but I am at a point where I wonder...do Ih ave it in me? am *I* the rich man who has been asked to give up all his worldly possessions and follow Christ? By American Standards I am middle class.

by Liberian Standards I am Rich (though, not wealthy)

What do I have in me?

What am I willing to CONTINUE to give, in order for another human being 5,7650 miles away to have?

Am I willing to give up my passion for antiques, decorating, vacationing, driving a nice vehicle, wearing new and fashionable clothing?

Am I willing to live a simple lifestyle so that my 'family' in Liberia can afford 3 meals each day, and an education, or opportunities to provide for themselves?

DO *I* have it in me?

I honestly do not know. I feel like today I could take a break, and walk away from the mental anguish that surrounds the PROFOUND need in Liberia, and go 'back to normal' as everyone on this continent has suggested.

But honestly, what IS normal? and am I (or have I EVER) been capable of p doing "NORMAL" ?

Forever a Family

Tonight we followed the counsel of our church leaders, and were sealed together as a family, for Time & All Eternity.

It was a beautiful event, surrounded by my dear and lovely family.

The road was long, the sacrifices many, and the lessons learned vast. In the end, Peter is bound eternally by love and tenacity to our little clan.

Thanks to everyone, for everything.

To those who drove FAR to attend this ceremony, Those who gave of their many talents and time to raise the funds, the encouraging words, and the prayers all along the way.

Thanks to those in the KC area who WOULD have attended our ceremony, had we held it in KC.

Thanks to 3 of our favorite missionaries one took a 15 hour bus ride to be here, and the other 2 rushed down after their classes in Idaho to attend.

Sisters, brothers, aunts, Great grandpa, Mother, LONG time friends, and friends we only just met.

Thanks to all of you.....

Faith without works....is dead.

"Never give up. Never ever give up. Why? Because just when you are about to give up is when things are about to turn around in a grand way. Hold on. Great things are waiting for you around the corner."

Sonia Ricotti

So with all the complications in getting Divines adoption done, I have gotten some pretty personal emails that have flustered me, the person sending these emails has been involved in Liberian adoptions for 110 years, and has personal relationships with each of these agencies. She is bitter and angry towards them for whatever happened between them, and she is now loyal to the agency that just did Peter's adoption, HOWEVER this agency has only been doing adoptions in very recent times.

She feels that it is better to give up on Divines adoption then it would be to use a different agency.

She feels it is compromising MY values to use another agency, *I* have no personal experience with these agencies, and I have no evidence of their integrity, I have reason to NOT trust them any more than the agency I just used....

What I DO KNOW is that my last agency is REFUSING to assist. What does that say about why they are in this industry? They are done doing adoptions in Liberia because it is too hard, (instead of hiring new workers in country, they will just pull the plug on the entire program)

I have NOT been impressed with my agency, and I have not hidden that. They left me to navigate the entire process without support or communication. They (in my opinion) did NOTHING prior to my arrival in Liberia, and their agents in Liberia lied to me over and over and over.

What is YOUR take on this matter, is it unethical to use an agency someone ELSE is unhappy with? Am I compromising my VALUES to use (or be willing to use ANY agency that is willing to help me?)

I feel like the battle(adoption) for each child's life is WORTH IT, they deserve someone WILLING to fight for them!

He never said it would be easy, He only said it will be WORTH it!

Please either leave a message about your thoughts, or email me.

Divine Gordon

Divine Gordon’s story and process….
Divine was brought to the orphanage in September of 2012. His mother was 16 when he was born, and had a second child in October of 2012.
Divines foster mother is a kind and sweet woman. She does her best in the situation she is in. However there is a flaw in the system of sponsorship and the children are lucky to get 3 meals a week. Medical treatment is a luxury they cannot afford.
The director of the program (on the US side) is trying feverishly to fix this problem, but in the meantime we have more mouths to feed in this home, than they are able to care for. (again, not for lack of trying, and not out of neglect or evil motives)
When I arrived in Liberia and met Divine the first time, he was sad. He did not open up to a smile for at least a week of our attention. (Kristi is the one who he glommed onto, and the two of us would jokingly fight over who got to take him home)
After we had decided to adopt Divine, I was making stop whenever our travel plans permitted to visit with him. One day when I arrived, Divine was in bad shape, he was lethargic, and feverish. He had ooze dribbling out of both ears, and was raw with scabs on both ears. I immediately took him to the clinic and got him medicine. He had malaria and a double ear rupture and a fungal infection . He had no appetite and was sleeping constantly. I returned Divine to the foster mother the following day and gave her additional money for more medicine and cab fare.
3 days passed and I was in ‘red light’ during traffic (normally it takes us 2 hours to get 3 miles during traffic ) I did not want to delay getting home, but felt a prompting more than once to go check on Divine. After the second nudge, I asked the driver to make a detour to check on my baby Divine. When we arrived aat the home, Divine was in the same or worse shape than he was the first time I took him. It was then I made a decision that I was going to take Divine home with me until he could get feeling better.
This boy HATES medicine, and he was a battle to get it down him. But after 4 days, he started to feel better, started eating normally, and sleeping on schedule. He was running around, playing and acting like a normal 2 year old. He ate voraciously and was overall in good spirits.
I decided then to enroll him in the preschool where Quita resides, as all the many meetings I was having kept me from attending to his needs, and I knew the teachers well at the school, and I knew they would do right by him. (Peter had also started to attend as he was SICK of sitting for hours and hours of meetings each day)
I spoke with the director of the foster program, who was happy to see that Divine was cared for, and she agreed that I should keep him and provide for his care. She felt it was a blessing to Divine as well as the program, as it freed up a bed for another child in need.
I then made the arrangement to meet with the birth mother and have her make an appearance in the Ministry of health to begin the process of adoption. Lydia is an intelligent and articulate woman, who has the interest of the children as her primary focus. She and I discussed candidly the conditions of the home, and the issues that must be addressed in regards to the children’s ongoing care. We took down the contact information for the birth mother so that we could begin the case study. (the essential background information that is required to prove the child is indeed eligible for adoption)
It was during this time that we got the permissions from the embassy to bring Peter home, we were busy doing the last of our documents to depart. It was a stressful time, and as we were driving home from the embassy with Peter’s visa in hand, I got an unnerving phone call. Martha the foster mother who had cared for Divine phoned,, and in excited Liberian began to chew me out. She had finally been told that Divine was not going to be returning to her care. She was angry with me, and I felt bad, as I had been told that she had been informed and understood the overall plan.
I wanted to make sure everyone was clear of my intentions and plans as NONE of this was to insult, anger or usurp any ones feelings or plans.
I immediately phoned the pastor in charge to ensure we were all cooperating in Divines plan for his future.
This is the first time I was aware that the Pastor and foster mother were NOT informed of the plan. While I felt bad for them being left out of the loop, I explained that the plan and desire of the birth mom was to have Divine remain in my direct care until his adoption was final. I explained to the pastor about the incident with his malaria, and he was belligerent and rude. He DEMANDED that the child be returned, he claimed he ‘owned that child’ and was insistent that the child was not available for anyone else to direct his care.
This was very disheartening, as I DID NOT want to have a battle over this child. I wanted to be able to send money each month and KNOW without a doubt that his needs would be taken care of (food, attention, schooling, clothes) I was saddened that we could not come to agreeable terms, and I then phoned the MOH about this issue.
Lydia once again clarified that this pastor did NOT have guardianship of this child, and that it was the birthmother coupled with the ministry of health that had control over where this child was to remain. Seeing how both the birthmother and the MOH had agreed that I was in the right to keep this child, I have been working on ensuring the LEGAL paperwork is in order.
I had the choice, to remain in Liberia for another week, or return home and pray that My Quita was able to complete the process in relinquishment and move on the paper work to adopt Divine.
THEN I got a bombshell email from my adoption agency, initially they had agreed to work with us on our adoption for Divine, and the email I received was stating that she was NOT willing to facilitate Divine’s adoption.
I then immediately emailed the 2nd agency that was licensed to do adoptions in Liberia . The USA agent said that she would NOT work with any child that had come from that foster home, she did not want her name/reputation entangled with that Pastor.
I was being left with no options, and I was so frustrated and angry.

Since being home, I have been anxiously working on getting the legal relinquishment accomplished, and Quita went into the MOH to get the Birth mothers contact info so she could bring her (birth mother) back into the MOH to sign official documents. Today we found out that someone has misplaced the file with the birth mothers information. Quita went to the foster home to ask them to help her to find the B.Mom again, and of course they refused to be of assistance.
Karen is a woman from SLC Utah that runs a Ngo in Liberia called “Lifting Liberia”
She is in no way affiliated with adoptions, except that she has adopted form Liberia and has assisted other families that are in limbo and unable to accomplish the necessary work to complete the adoptions.
Karen has agreed to meet with Lydia, and even scout out the neighborhood where the birth mom resides, in order to find her and assist us in getting her to sign the relinquishment.

My cryptic posts about the frustrating aspects of this adoption are about all the ADOPTIVE mothers who email or call me and rant about how MY FEELINGS and MY EXPEIRNCE are affecting future adoptions in Liberia. I am being accosted (and discriminated) because I have been open in documenting the issues and frustration with the process. I was warned NOT to share ANY MORE with you, my friends, supporters and family. It is because of my sharing and OPEN honesty about the mistakes made during this process that my agency is refusing to assist us in this adoption of Divine.
In the adoption world, the adoptive families are NOT CONSUMERS, who are able to ask for fairness, or refunds due to incompetence. APPARENTLY anything goes (according to the liability waiver they force you to sign) even though we PAY the salary of each of these workers, they do NOT feel they are obligated to satisfy our concerns or problems. (some of which THEY created) therein lies the problem, this entire industry is based off ransom. You may be the one writing the check, but you do NOT have control over any other portion of the process!

Where does good character flow from?

February 8th 2013

More than a month as passed since I left my family and entered the unknown.
I have slept without my babies, my comforts for 6 weeks. I miss my children fiercely, but I know they are taken care of, fed, loved and safe. For this I thank my Heavenly Father and my earthly parents and in-laws.
When we counseled with our agency about the possible issues during the adoption, corruption was never mentioned. We never imagined the level of deceit that we would be faced. Living amongst the beautiful people of Liberia, I am starting to get it.
For almost 20 years these same faces had to run, hide and survive day to day with murder, war and starvation.
For more years than many of them lived in peace, they lived with the visual of children, mothers and fathers being slaughtered before their very eyes.

Some of the stories you hear make your stomach hurt. Some infuriate you, but if you listen, and try to have an understanding of what has shaped their character, their resolve and their future, you can understand how the grey area becomes so wide.
These beautiful people had to learn HOW to survive, beg, steal and borrow. They had no choice but to hide in the hills, to disguise their tiny babies in the bush, to dodge the bullets, machetes, and the rebels. The kinds of atrocities that occurred on a daily basis would change any person. NO matter how deeply convicted they started out.
I am by no means justifying their actions, and I do not plan to work with these people that do not know anything but lies and corruption, but I am beginning to understand. My heart is moved with compassion, pity for the men and women that came out after this terrible war with the views of right and wrong completely skewed.

Let us ALL evaluate what life experience we have that encourages the same.
What breeds mediocrity, laziness, and gluttony?

What is it in each of US that promotes the character traits that allow us to slide far from the man or woman we are destined to be, and become those that average efforts, and average rewards are ‘good enough’


Good enough is never enough, I beg you to consider to look into YOUR heart (as I gaze into mine) and grasp the qualities of Honest, Brave, Respectful, Hard working, Faithful, Integrity, Respect Charity, Obedience, Virtue, Courage, Honesty, Leadership, Accountability, Self control, Delayed gratification.


Where am I lacking, where can I improve. Where am I rationalizing my actions based upon my personal experience that is keeping me from attaining these qualities?


I had a powerful experience yesterday that once again reminded me that I am doing the Lord's work.
I am fighting a battle for a valiant spirit, that Heavenly Father Knows and Loves. Peter will grow up to be a great man a leader, and an honorable example.

I am blessed to be his mother.

Growing pains....

I have been gone from my wonderful family for 6 weeks now.

just the travels alone have been complicated and taxing on my nerves.
5 days in NYC awaiting a visa that was "Guaranteed" to be in my hands the first day....

getting bumped off the flight in Ghana due to mechanical issues.

Arriving in Liberia without my phone and all my contacts.

The support I have received from my Liberian family has been astounding. They have not left me alone to wallow in my frustration, they have supported, prayed, and cried with me during each set back or issue.

Upon arrival I felt like there was another special little boy destined to be a part of our family.

His name is Divine, and he has deep soulful eyes. I have been able to care for him on a few occasions, one of which was the day he got very ill. I took him to the clinic and held him as they drew blood. He has malaria, and a double ear infection, and a fungal infection. he is a very sick little boy.

So at the moment he is under my watchful eye, resting and getting lots of fluids and food.

The foster mothers have taken very good care of all the children in their care, and I don't want anyone to feel like they are not doing their jobs, but when there is one fragile little boy among 40 rambunctious neighborhood children things can get crazy!

The newest update on Peter's case is n

ot good news.
The officials that have prepared his documents up to this point felt like the discrepancy in a last name was a minor issue, and they opted to proceed with paperwork even when they knew the name was wrong on the bio mom.

Once we arrived at the embassy, and the consular was interviewing the bio mom,I realized we had a huge issue on our hands.

Not only was the last name incorrect on the documents (supposed to say BEN and it said BENJAMIN) but we were misinformed by Global Orphan Outreach that Peter's medical visa had been renewed.

In fact he had over stayed his visa by 221 days. The penalty for this violation is he is not eligible to travel for 3 years.

yes, we are in a bit of a panic.
We have attempted to fix this through documentation that we FILED the extension, but so far, we have not gotten favorable response from the embassy on if they will consider that adequate.

So for now, I have run out of my hotel/lodging budget, I have used up all of our food budget, and I have borrowed as much s we have available for our taxi budget. For now, we wait, pray and hope that this is not the final answer (the 3 year restriction)

In the mean time, yes, I will care for Divine, and pray that HIS paper work can be done properly, and that we can bring him home with us, whenever that may be!