Niggling and Nodding

Do you ever have a niggling? a thought or feeling in the back of your mind that will not rest. When you are at rest the thought pops up, when you are at play, when you are pensive, silly, relaxed, stressed. No matter what your experiencing the idea or thought returns?

I have.

It has been a constant worry and concern for the mother-less and the father-less.

I have shed many tears over the empty feelings, and empty arms of the 147 MILLION children that have no one to kiss their boo boo. No one to worry if they are out too late, and no one to encourage them to follow their dreams.

147 MILLION folks.

That is a big number. HUGE.

It is hard to fathom how one person (me) can make a difference when the number is so daunting.

Now I will describe the nodding. I have felt like I SHOULD adopt for 13 years. I have read books, researched types of adoptions, and I have KNOWN it was my calling to love the motherless.

Do you want to know the one (lame) reason I have never followed through, not the fear of failure, not the fear of inadequacies, not the possibility of getting hurt. only ONE thing.

M.O.N.E.Y.

Yep, you've got it, I have put on my list of goals at least 40 times to adopt.

and here is the sad part, I would say to my Lord, "I am willing to bring a child into our home, and hearts, you just provide the way."

Yep. I kinda gave HIM the 4-1-1

Not cool. not right, and it never worked. I felt like I was being a 'good' person for wanting to help, so He should make up the financial part and make it easy.

There it is.

EASY folks, I wanted the finances to FLOW into our home so that adopting would be easy.

I am ASHAMED to admit, that each and every time an abundance flowed into our home, I allowed non important expenses to eat up any excess that was created.

In essence I justified the extra income as necessitous, and allowed for it to be wasted.

I felt like I needed to have nice furniture, a nice car, or a finished basement BEFORE I adopted, in my mind I debated with my self that certainly I would not pass a home inspection (home study) if I did not do these NECESSITIES .

Gluttony.

I have looked an orphan in the eyes, and wiped an orphans tears. I have cried over the loss of innocence, and I have had a change of heart.

Do not get me wrong, I still want that nice furniture, or the finished basement, but the reality is this:

THINGS DO NOT MATTER.
Nope not one bit, PEOPLE matter!!

So many of my dear wonderful friends have shared with me the desire (hope) to adopt, and immediately say how the finances are too daunting. They feel the same way I did. (do) that I have so many needs (new car, new computer.....new clothes.....blah blah blah) How can i CARVE out an additional $25 THOUSAND dollars to adopt a child!??!?!
 
YOU CAN'T. There i said it.

On your own, and without many helping hands (celestial and earthly) it is not possible.

5 months ago I shared my plea with a group of friends in my immediate circle of our need to pay for this adoption.

They were shocked, and dare I even say, insistent that it was not possible!?

Later this week I will be creating a plan, for each of my LOVED ONES who have felt that niggling in the back of their minds, that THEY CAN DO something.

For ONE child, making a difference in ONE child's life, forever, yes. you can. do. it.

you can.

I promise.